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This period marks a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. Initially, the concept that someone could instantly end communication with a lover without a word seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, seeking a significant other has only become more perplexing – an frequently unsuccessful exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by online lingo.

Zoomers, a demographic who matured during a loneliness crisis, a male identity crisis, and a concerted attack on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial predecessors could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive guide to the phrases Zoomers is using to navigate love, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most popular memes, by the conclusion of this list you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – For Zoomers, romance's ideal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A social media test inspired by a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s response is engaged or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This refers to choosing someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A outing where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do budget-friendly romance in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes couples who opt out of having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral traits signaling a prospective partner is bad news. Such as calling their former partners crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits confirm your decision to date a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe niche, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and usually everyday turnoffs that instantly extinguish any feelings of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful gesture.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some Zoomers desire fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {